simmster

Windham Legacy 1.2

2009-01-11T05:02:45Z

We left off last time with--

DEAR GOD WHAT IS THAT THING. Warn me next time.

Yeah, so Lorelai is kind of unfortunate. :\

Is beating teddy bears as a young child a sign of future mental instability?

Meanwhile, Allyn and Leo give the whole childrearing thing another go, hoping maybe Lorelai was just their genetics doing a test-run.

Leo decides it's time to get hired again, since his career in music didn't quite... get there. Since his LTW is to reach the top of the Education track...

He becomes a playground monitor. LOL.

Sah-weeeeet. Now clean that up, ew.

Leo gets home after a day of chasing children back and forth on the playground and is clearly unhappy about the whole situation.

But he doesn't neglect his kid, despite his frustration with everyone else's.

His crankiness doesn't get any better when Allyn expands.

What!? WHAT'S THIS? Oh, look, Lorelai grew up! She looks... better...

Ah, yes, longer hair helps.

Until you turn her sideways. OH, WHAT A TRAGEDY.

So when Allyn starts to scream bloody murder in the living room, what does the rest of her family do?

What do you want from us?

I CAN'T HELP YOU UNLESS YOU TELL ME HOW!

Oh, this family.

(Oh and at some point, I redid the house to make room for more babies, and the kitchen is the ~centerpiece~ of it all. VOILA!)

It's a girl! Meet Claudia Windham.

Allyn starts to have nightmares right around this point in time. I'm pretty sure it has something to do with the fact that she rolled "fear of having baby" right after Claudia was born.

Or maybe it's just because this thing is her kid.

(LOL I changed her appearance six times before I was really happy with it. The enormous mass of hair and the Harry Potter glasses help!)

Lorelai turns out to be kind of a dweeb, all fascinated with the weather.

She is also apparently unfazed by her parents unabashedness.

Seriously unfazed.

The whole house is full of lazy slobs, so I got them a maid. This is the fugliest, fruitiest man-maid I've ever seen. His name is Cooper Corsillo and he will never be in this family >:(

So one day I had Leo order groceries and when the guy arrived, Lorelai randomly accepted them. And seemingly tried to eat them right out of the basket.

...because her parents were busy scarfing down what was left of the earlier food.

AND THE BILLS WENT UNNOTICED FOR A REALLY LONG TIME.

So naturally, the Repo Man went for "cruelty." The kid's toy? REALLY?

But they didn't really care so much about the Repo Man because it was Claudia's birthday!

VICTORY! SHE GOT HER DAD'S FEATURES! \o/

This looks promising.

THIS DOES NOT. >:( FATASS.

...uh.

Awwwww! How cute!

Allyn's third pregnancy was a rough one. She nearly starved to death and rarely ever made it all the way to bed.

But before long, the pregnancy is over! God, fat!Leo is impossible. >:(

WORK OUT MORE. YOU ARE NOT DOING IT ENOUGH.

Leo stopped being a fatso! But right around the same time, a weirdo epidemic started, one that involved leaving baby Robin on the floor all over the place.

On the floor.

While her siblings play nearby!

AND AGAIN IN THE KITCHEN. >:(

Finally, Claudia had a birthday! She frowns ALL THE TIME and grew up really badly, so she throws fits. Therefore I've decided she's going to be the Emo Kid in this house.

Thank the stars she's prettier than her sister. >:D

Windham 1.1

2009-01-10T06:08:41Z

Meet Leo Windham, the founder. He's an Aquarius

Sloppy - 5 - Neat
Shy - 6 - Outgoing
Lazy - 3 - Active
Serious - 5 - Playful
Grouchy - 6 - Nice

I'm a goober and forgot to check his LTW but it can remain unknown for now 'cause I'm not gonna look MUAHA.

But he likes brunettes with great makeup and hates perfume. HDU SMELL NICE, LADIES.

First thing he does is move into a shack. It's furnished with the cheap stuff and he hates everything ever. He gets a job in the music industry.

One day after work he's bored and poor so he goes to the park. There he meets a slew of fugtacular women, the least fugly of which is this lady, Cleo Shikibu.

Cleo hates him.

Alas, he goes home alone.

A few paychecks later he goes to the grocery store and runs into this chick, Allyn Thomason.

Ohhhh, you like groceries? I LIKE GROCERIES!!

This means they're meant for each other.

LET'S BUILD SNOWMEN IN THE DARK! he says, and she agrees.

WHAT what WHAT, man, snowmen get the girl EVERY TIME.

Allyn is apparently immune to cold, also.

And makeup tips. -__- wtf the blush?!?

"Look at me when I talk to you!"
"But we're not even married yet! D: WHY YOU NAG ME"

She comes over again the next day... and moves in.

AND SHE ONLY BRINGS A DOLLAR >:(

Soooooooo not helpful.

BUT! It lets me make her over. BETTER HAIRZ FOR YOU, WEIRDNOSE LADY! Oh god, the nose. O_o This does not bode well for babies.

Leo: WOOO I GOT YOU IN THE SACK! ...now what?
Allyn: ...idk.
::crickets::
Leo: ...
Allyn: ...
Leo: ...back in the sack?

OKAY THEN!

UHM. OH SHITS THE BABY MUSIC. Quick, get married!

ARRRGGGHHHH SHE POPPED D:<

...okay, uh, burglar lady? WTF ARE YOU STEALING!?

She took. A chest. Of drawers. With planets on it.

OH AND the same day they got burglarized? Leo decides he wants to tune a piano wrong for an opera singer and gets fired.

JOY!

Therefore, his first daughter Lorelai Windham is born while he sleeps off a fit of depression.

So they spend the rest of the very little money they have on an addition to the house where the baby can sleep.

Also a teddybear.

And d'awwww, the windowsill with the flowers >.>

WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE LET'S SHAKE THE BABY!

...uh, the baby looks kind of dead, doesn't it? ...hello, classless British Nanny Jokes ahoy!

Just kidding ilu kisskisskiss!

Finally it's birthday time! Please don't be fugly, please don't be fugly, please don't be--

...balls.

...I hope she grows into those features. I don't know what's weirder, the eyebrows or the nose or the fact that she looks like an adult in a tiny, tiny body. CREEPY. O_o

...it's been a while :\

2008-07-08T17:01:55Z

TRAGEDY!

My Sims 2 game got all glitchy and wonky and I finally gave up on trying to play in it when it was all herky-jerky and broken so I uninstalled/reinstalled and pretty much wiped everything.

Soooooo... the Clearwaters are gone. As are the Balsamos. And every other family group and challenge I had played in there.

I'll probably be starting a new legacy soon, I just want to give myself a bit of a chance to get some custom content and all that before I start playing. If there's anyone still watching, that is! :P

Clearwater Legacy 2.3

2008-01-20T20:56:37Z

I am taking part in the Founder Challenge at legacy_writers. The winning sim was created by dothesmustle!

Are you there, God? It's me, Embry.

Ever since Owen was born, Carmen has been a little off.

She just kind of stands around, not doing anything autonomously.

Owen, however, loves to do things autonomously.

In fact, in the springtime, all he ever wants to do is go outside and play with bugs.

Bugs that don't want to play with him.

He wanders a lot...

And like so many other sim toddlers, he loves the toilet.

Meanwhile, Jake has turned out to be pretty useful.

He is also relatively vain.

Carmen ... still standing around.

~~Michael Jackson~~ Chad helps Embry with his homework. He's a good brother.

It's a good thing the older brothers do this stuff because I think otherwise the babies would be taken away.

This fart was the first autonomous thing she'd done in days. O_o

Then I made her teach Owen how to talk.

Embry's a neat-freak.

Chad: Mom! Mom! Hey mom! Mom! Mom hey mom!
Carmen: ...
Chad: Mom! Hey mom! Mom!
Carmen: ...
Chad: ...MOM!
Carmen: WHAT!?

Chad: There's a baby in there.

Jake: ...ahaahahaa what was that about?
Carmen: I'm not quite sure.

Owen: ...this toddler thing is getting old.

*ages up*

Owen: Are you there, God? It's me, Owen.

<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

I gave him better clothes because Maxis aged him up in pirate gear. O_o

ELI! <3 <3 <3 God, he's barely ever around, what with his working in the slacker career path and all. ...wait a minute.

MORE POPPING!

*HEADDESK* WHAT IS THAT, LIKE THE 10000TH FIRE!? ad;akjd;lkajdl;kadj GOSH.

Simmster: Hi, Eli, where've you been? ...you gonna pay those bills, too?
Eli: ...I can't, the groceries cleaned us out. They're not red yet, don't worry about it.
Simmster: *HEADDESK*

BABYTIME!

Carmen: *has baby, gives to Eli*
Eli: ...what do you want me to do with this?
Carmen: Hell if I care. I'm going to bed.
Jake: ...what just happened?

This is baby Eugene! His infancy is boring.

TODDLER EUGENE! Jake is holding him because he and Jake are CLONES. Seriously, I made him blonde so they wouldn't be exactly the same. Their personalities and astrological signs are the same.

Eli: Jake, for the love of God.

Jake: GOSH DAD, YOU NEVER LET ME HAVE ANY FUN.

Jake: ...hey, Alton Brown's on.

Chad: OH CRAP ANOTHER FIRE.
Jake: ALTON BROWN IS ON, COULDN'T YOU HAVE ABSORBED SOMETHING!?!??

Clearwaters: 0, Fire: 7. *scowl*
(Tally: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)

The boys let out some steam. :D

All of them. :D

And then they convene in the smallest room in the house. O_o

It's bedtime... notice, Owen is attributing the goodnight smooch to the wrong older brother, ahahaa.

Clearwater Legacy 2.2

2008-01-10T05:15:32Z

I am taking part in the Founder Challenge at legacy_writers. The winning sim was created by dothesmustle!

Chad's had a birthday, and he's a wonderfully cheerful little kid! Also, he's beautiful. The apple of my eye!

And look! Chad has a little brother!

Meet Jake Clearwater, the second Clearwater son, and the first sign that something is amiss with the Sims...

First of all, the Clearwaters are narcoleptics.

Second of all -- See, little Jake's skintone? Not a default. Not a regularly occurring skintone in my game. Not to mention he seems to be chewing through his own bottom jaw, but that's a normal glitch.

(Eventually I figured it out -- I downloaded a Kara Thrace sim, and her skintone was set as a default for some reason, screwing with my other defaults...)

Little Jake is ... well, he's kind of creepy looking, honestly.

But then again sometimes he is cute!

...never mind. I said nothing about cute, you didn't hear me say that. >_<

So, ah, one day, when everything is going fine otherwise, Eli sets fire to the house. Again.

I kind of love the "save baby" automated action. Carmen ran like a bat out of hell, lmao.
(Ignore the InSim, lmao. I try not to get that in caps, but oh well...)

WHY DID YOU SET OUR HOUSE ON FIRE!? Carmen hits Eli.

...and then after that, Eli hits Carmen, in that TOTALLY DIFFERENT SENSE.

"Mmmm, I love eating Spaghetti off our nice little kitchen table!"

Birthday time! Jake is ... god, I hate this skintone.

And so does Jake, apparently!

Jake: "I have calculated exactly the speed at which I should make the 'nreeeeeeeewwwww dundundundundun!' noise for this to sound like a helicopter."
Chad: "..."

Chad blows bubbles, because he is FREAKING ADORABLE.

[At this point, I left the game alone for a while... and then decided I wanted new default skin tones. A-hunting I went, and a-hunting, I discovered Nihilin's default skins, which I think a lot of people really like. I can see why, though, they're ADORABLE. Anyway, I replaced my defaults and deleted the irritating Kara Thrace skin. LITTLE DID I KNOW WHAT WAS COMING...]

Check it out, it's Eli with his new skintone! *fans self*

And here is his gorgeous bride, Carmen!

Now that he's not covered in Kara Thrace Face, Jake is freaking cute!

He is outside because he is playing catch with his brother.

...his... brother... who... ... ...uuuuuuh.

...what.

WHAT THE FRELLING HELL, GUYS!? WHY IS HE SUDDENLY WHITE!? CHAD PULLED A FUCKIN' MICHAEL JACKSON ON ME!

And he's not even sorry. *CRANKYFACE*

WORST. GLITCH. EVER. I am heartbroken. I am devastated. Why, Sims 2, WHY!? *FALLS TO KNEES, RAISES FISTS TO HEAVENS*

Now they're practically identical. Except that Chad has the pointy ears and Jake does not.

And their synchronized chip-eating DOES NOT AMUSE ME. Alas, for I am shattered by the Whiteification of Chad.

Chad makes me sad. I am sad over Chad. Sad and Chad rhyme, I will milk this for all it is worth.

Oh hey, meanwhile, what happens when you can't pay for groceries, you ask?

Why, the deliverywoman STEALS YOUR COUNTERS!

And that's not all she takes, oh no.

"MA, THE COUCH IS GONE, I NOW HAVE ROOM TO DO A JIG."

"...oh, and that also makes me cranky."

"This makes me hunch over with rage!"

They replaced it with the only couch they could afford, and Carmen promptly takes a nap on it.

...times are hard for Eli.

*POP* (Wooo!)

As if life isn't hard enough for these guys, what with the serious expenses it must have cost them when Chad secretly bleached himself...

THE REPO MAN COMETH.

AND HE TAKETH THY TABLES.

Screw tables, we don't need no stinking tables!

Tables are for n00bs! (Except I totally replaced them after five minutes of this crap.)

Say hello to Embry Clearwater!

They are too poor to have a changing table, so Embry gets his diapers changed the projectile way.

(Also, stupid white Chad had a birthday.)

I gave him a makeover and now at least he is pretty. ...stop looking at me like that, Chad, remember that I hate you now.

Chad is indifferent to vomit.

Before long, it is time for Embry to grow into a toddler! Please have the ears please have the ears please have the ears...

Well he certainly follows in the family tradition of CRANKINESS.

Eli gloats in his dreams.

...quit doing such adorable things, Chad! REMEMBER THAT I HATE YOU NOW. (D'awww, lookit Embry!)

...nope, still hating.

...still... ~~maybe not~~ hating...

LOOK AT THAT. She's pregnant again. This most definitely does not have anything to do with me wanting them to have a freaking darker-skinned heir, no sirree, not one thing at all...

Eli, in a fit of desperation, tries to see if maybe some pirates left their booty in his front yard.

But no, all they left him was a cranky underground whale.

I wonder if her nightmares have anything to do with the poster behind her?

Jake grows up into stupid clothes. (Honestly, Maxis, what's with all the neckwear?)

Okay, now I'm seeing differences. I like Chad's eyes better. And his ears. BUT I AM STILL MAD AT HIM.

"I hate carrying spawn."

"In fact, I think I'm not going to do it anymore!"

"OUT, OUT, DAMN SPAWN!"

One more time, Eli. Poor little Romance Sim. This family business is really hard on him.

Say hello to Owen Clearwater (uh, where are the girls?)!

FAMILY TRADITION OF DOOM!

It's birthday time!

Embry is SO CUTE, and he has the ears!

And with a better haircut and some nice clothes, he can kill you with his adorableness!

(EEEEEEEEEARS!)

These two will never, ever stop. Every time I leave them alone, ACR does something with them. Often this something results in babies.

One more, for old times' sake! *FACEPALM* DAMNIT ELI, YOU HAVE LIKE SEVEN COOKING POINTS.

Owen, who has the cutest little babyface in the world.

clearwater legacy 2.1

2007-12-24T04:35:33Z

I am taking part in the Founder Challenge at legacy_writers. The winning sim was created by dothesmustle!

Carmen: GYAAAAHHHHHH, WHAT IS HAPPENING TO ME? *vomits all over the house*

I'm pretty surprised she vomits at all, considering she doesn't so much eat her food as much as she uses it as a pillow.

She does gnaw on the windowsills, though, LMAO.

Eli could maybe tell Carmen what's up -- "I sexed you and now you are full of my spawn" -- but he's too busy making out with his mop.

He's probably the worst romance sim ever, no lie.

He hits up the Crypt O' Night Club to maybe get some, and... well, first he's rejected.

Eli: "Hey Brandi, remember how I did your hair all nice and now you aren't so fug?"
Brandi: "Ella ella. Ella ella ella. Ella ella ella."
Eli: "...right, anyway, I'm really horny and no one's helping me out so I'm going to pull the 'you owe me' card."
Brandi: "Ella ella."

Eli: "JK LMAO. WTF EVER."

Then that other lady comes back and he gives her the WTF EVER as well.

NO WONDER HE IS MAKING OUT WITH BROOMS ALL THE TIME.

Brandi tries to hump his ~~umbrella~~ leg one more time but then she plays the "LMAO SUCKER!!!" card and he gets booted.

Then there is crying.

Eli: "Screw screwing, I'mma wash dishes."

Meanwhile, at home all by herself, Carmen pops!

Also, she has this terrible habit of peeing everywhere except in the toilet.

I think the Crypt O' Night Club is a black hole for Eli's sex life. So he moved on to FM to see if that would work better.

This does not bode well.

Oh, Eli, don't. Not with Tracy Sartor. Don't. Just don't.

Oh, Eli.

YOU DESERVE A CRUMPLEBOTTOMING, ELI. YES YOU DO. *sigh*

At home, Carmen pops again!

...and now that she's not vomiting all over the place anymore, she starts to eat burnt food all the time. O_o

Eli, because he is entirely insane, goes out to the community lot, gets hit on by a pretty lady, and rejects her. WHAT.

Random guy: "Hey, why'd you reject that lady? She seemed really into you."
Eli: "I ... I don't even know."

Eli: "Hey, maybe I acted too hastily. Might I interest you in a lovely new hairdo?"
Pretty lady: "Oooh, sure!"

Pretty lady: "WHAT THE HELL!? IS THIS A JOKE!?"
Eli: "Yeah, I know, I'm grea-- wait, that's not what you were supposed to say!"

Random Aside: This guy would NOT leave Eli alone, he kept coming over to "annoy" Eli, so Eli gave him a makeover so he'd look like a serial killer.

Also, Eli now knows a fire dance.

Then, Eli, because he has no self-respect, goes to the bowling alley and defiles the lobby with Tracy Sartor.

NO. SELF. RESPECT.

Eli goes insane when he gets home and finds out that he and Carmen have a child and he didn't realize.

Seriously. He's certifiable.

Adult responsibility!? NOOOOOOOOO!!!

But after like three seconds he gets over it and is all "I HAS A KID!"

So he goes to the Bluewater Baths & Salon to celebrate.

...with Marisa Bendett.

Meanwhile, Carmen at least is a good mommy.

Meet Chad Clearwater, the firstborn child! He is ADORABLE.

Chad Clearwater
VIRGO
Neat 10
Shy 1
Active 10
Playful 10
Nice 3

Eli finally comes home to meet his kid good and proper.

D'awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!

Fun with Insim!

2007-12-19T02:39:27Z

I was all curious about the pregnancy tools on InSim -- and curious about what children of certain NPCs would look like -- so I made a house specifically to play with these toys in. And then I named every new family member after something that can be found on my desk. Bwahaha.

The final eight people left in the house (after a chain of 25 generations) got makeovers and the deed to the building. Until then, everyone was stuck with the clothes and hair they appeared with, because I went at lightning speed -- seriously, it was "Have baby with Neighbor..." and then "Give Birth" and then "Grow Me Up!" until adulthood. Lather, rinse, repeat.

This is Bellora DuBlave. She is the founder of this freak family, I guess.

Bellora gets Grimpregnated. :D

This is Azrael, the result of Bellora DuBlave getting it on with the Grim Reaper. (He's holding his spawn, Clock DuBlave.)

Please note that Azrael looks creepily like Severus Snape. HMMMMM. Son of the Reaper? Eh? EH?

Azrael was impregnated by the PENGUIN. Yes, that's right. The cute little penguin that talks to snowmen! That is where Clock DuBlave came from.

Clock, when all grown up, is impregnated by Benjamin Long (who just HAPPENED to be on the lot... *innocent whistling*). She also births only with the upper half of her body, due to some clothing issues.

Clock and Benjamin Long produce Candle DuBlave, who has crazy long hair.

Candle is apparently some kind of a hippy-dippy fairy child.

Candle also had the unfortunate dice-roll that caused her to furiously taint the family genetics. She shacked it up with Bigfoot. The results were THIS GUY, also known as Pony DuBlave.

Pony then got it on with Contessa Suzie Kalson, a vampire, because he hoped perhaps her freakish vampire beauty would fix the genetics a bit. No dice. This is Sunkist DuBlave -- a bit less fug than his father, but the apple does not fall far from the tree. O_o

UGGHHHH HE LOOKS LIKE HE WAS STUNG BY A MILLION BEES.

NOOOOO BELLORA. NOT A SATELLITE. Too soon, man. Too soon. *weeps*

A family that cries together dies together, guys.

See what I mean? THE BEES THAT STUNG SUNKIST HAVE TAKEN AZRAEL.

In a desperate attempt to fix the nose thing (OH GOD OH GOD), Sunkist got it on with Max Balsamo, whose horrifyingly pointy nose actually got him disqualified from heirdom in the Balsamo legacy. The result? DVD-R DuBlave.

Thankfully, the Balsamo genes are strong. \o/

DVD-R gets it on with Jan Tellerman, and this is their daughter: Proactiv DuBlave.

To be 100% totally frivolous, I had Proactiv get it on with Castor Nova. The result is Hansen DuBlave.

ALAS. ;_____;

"OMG DON'T GET HIT BY LIGHTNING SO CLOSE TO US, GOSH."

Hansen is sperminated by Pollination Technician #88 and has a little girl, M&M.

M&M is so freaking hot, guys.

M&M gets it on with the Unsavory Charlatan and LO AND BEHOLD, THE CROWN JEWEL OF DUBLAVE: Nokia!

Alas, Nokia has terrible taste and gets it on with the Therapist, ruining the genes. ;______________; This is Frame DuBlave.

He has no friends. He eats raw fish with his jagged, raggedy teeth.

He lives in a cave and talks to jewelry and when people try to take it he screams "MAH!!!!!!! PRE-SHUSSSSSSSS!!!!!"

Sidewalks are a dangerous place to be, man. O_o

Frame gets it on with Kitty Gregory and has a girl named Burberry.

I was driving home from work today and a woman that looked EXACTLY LIKE THIS was right behind me in a turn lane and I almost died of fright. O_o TRUE STORY.

Burberry got it on with a Fire Dancer and the result was baby Moose. Ah, the genes seem to be settling. Thank the lord.

Oh wait I spoke too soon. The genes are still unsettled! Moose got it on with Professor Diane Ying and had a boy named Lipstick.

And then Lipstick woohooed telepathically with Ivy Copur and had this freaky-looking cheekboned mess named Stardust.

Stardust then did the whole family a favor and got it on with Pollination Technician #14. The happy result is named Farscape.

Farscape does the shimmyshimmy with Ollie Bounscouse (the lone survivor at my Asylum challenge house) and has a baby girl named Thread.

Thread seduces a Ninja to produce Ronon DuBlave.

Ronon shacks up with Kaylynn Langerak to create National Treasure DuBlave.

National Treasure gets Grimpregnated! Oh noes! The result: Blades of Glory DuBlave.

Blades of Glory gets spermination from a Social Bunny and the result is Lion King DuBlave.

Lion King goes for the Matchmaker (Claire Gregory), and has a girl named Spring Water.

Spring Water has an alien encounter and names the consequences Deodorant.

Spring Water then got it on with a random townie named Rainelle Neengia and had a boy named H.P. Lovecraft DuBlave. I wanted his name to be High School Musical DuBlave, but "High School Musical" is too long. WOE. He shall be High School Musical in my heart!

Also, M&M and Nokia, being my favorites of the WHOLE CLAN, survived the many plagues that occurred to make room for new additions, and then the last six members of the household get to stay there forever. There are eight generations in between Nokia and National Treasure -- a gap in which everyone died of plaaaaague, lmao. Anyway, the household consists of:

M&M DuBlave
Nokia DuBlave
National Treasure DuBlave
Blades of Glory DuBlave
Lion King DuBlave
Spring Water DuBlave
Deodorant DuBlave
and
H.P. Lovecraft DuBlave

They all got makeovers and new clothes and all kinds of fun stuff. Plus they don't have to die.

Nokia, my pride and joy. I love her and everything she stands for, or next to, or on top of...

Oh, Nokia. I'm so glad I didn't name you Samsung.

Ain't that right.

Here, Nokia can introduce you to H.P. Lovecraft DuBlave, the 25th generation of this freaky family. :D Look at how pretty they are!

*pride*

Oh, what's that? The camera is pulling back ever-so-slightly to show even MORE hotness? OH WHY I NEVER.

Blades of Glory, humminahummina!

Look, it's Blades of Glory flanked by M&M and Nokia, who are 11 and 10 generations older than her, respectively! TOTALLY normal!

Here's Deodorant and his great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-grandmother, M&M, LMAO.

Continuing in that general direction, let's add Spring Water to the mix!

And then the weirdly-similar National Treasure and Lion King! National Treasure is Lion King's grandpa, btw. Also, Lion King has the shorter hair.

National Treasure and his daughter, Spring Water.

The DuBlaves are like a mullet, if you will -- Serious Business during the day...

PARTY AT NIGHT! :D

LMAO that was way too much fun! I may do it again sometime. :D

Clearwater Legacy 1.2

2007-12-10T00:55:56Z

I am taking part in the Founder Challenge at legacy_writers. The winning sim was created by dothesmustle!

I'm calling this a mini-update as I haven't had a lot of time this week to play.

Eli decided one day to go down to the local community lot. There was a guy there teaching fire dancing lessons, so Eli took some.

He got into a pillow fight with a woman named Carmen Landry. She's freaking pretty! I have great plans for her uterus.

After the sun went down, Eli tried his hand at makeovers. His first unwilling subject? One of the NPCs whose name I cannot remember. AUGH.

She cried so Eli felt bad and fixed it.

Then who should turn up but Brandi LeTourneau, the girl who has already rejected Eli twice?
"I saw you flirting with that Carmen girl. Make me pretty."

TADAA, NOW SHE IS RIHANNA.

When the sun came up again Carmen showed up again. It's like she's the opposite of a vampire. Eli flirted with her twice and then went "YAVLAAAA, I AM TIRED!" and got cranky. So I sent him home.

But when he got there Carmen was IN HIS YARD. O_o Anyway, he gossiped with her about the Charlatan...

And then hormones took over! BWAHAHAHAAAAA.

Carmen moved in and then I used all her money to do this. YAY.

Then Carmen got a makeover.

Finally, I had Eli propose because he was not scared of engagement or marriage at that moment. :D

Clearwater Legacy 1.1

2007-11-30T23:21:15Z

I am taking part in the Founder Challenge at legacy_writers. The winning sim was created by dothesmustle!

Meet Eli Clearwater, the Founder. He has a Romance aspiration and is a Leo who is turned on by charismatic hard-working Sims and is not attracted to Sims who wear cologne. His LTW is to Woohoo with 20 Sims.

Here are his stats:
Neat: 4
Outgoing: 10
Lazy: 4
Serious: 4
Nice: 3

The very first thing the boy does before he even has a house is to start digging for treasure. He makes away with a shiny rock!

The welcome wagon (Benjamin Long, Brandi LeTourneau, and Marisa Bendett) show up and promptly Eli begins to hit on Marisa. Meanwhile, Benjamin and Brandi are not shy about their hatred for one another.

The two of them quickly degenerate into a hair-pulling, bitch-slapping battle.

Poor Benjamin retreats to have a cry.

Eli finds out that Marisa has money, but not much of it. Meanwhile, his log cabin crapshack appears behind them.

He is displeased with the crapshack. Quitcherbitchin!

RAWR, BABY, YEAH. Even if I hate Marisa's nose.

Eli makes out with Marisa only because he wants to get her in the sack. Gotta get on that LTW, after all.

See? He's not actually all that interested. He just wants to get some.

Meanwhile, the battle with Brandi has made Benjamin go insane. He begins trapping jars and jars and jars of butterflies.

Then, he heads into the bathroom... and is ambushed by his archnemesis!

Eli flirts with her -- and fails -- to get her to leave Benjamin alone long enough that he can run home. Then Eli kicks Brandi out too.

"Hey Marisa, will you sleep with me?"
"But you haven't even gotten me anything yet!"
"...uh, here! Have a present! I dug it up this morning myself!"

A-yup. Eli gifted the rock he found to Marisa. She stuck it up her butt, where Sims apparently keep their presents.

But she follows through with her end of the bargain!

One down, 19 to go! Oh, what a fantastic LTW.

After Marisa goes home, Eli finds his yard full of jars of butterflies. "What the ...?" he asks, and then he releases them.

Did I mention building his log cabin crapshack left him with $8? Yeah, now I mentioned it. He spends the last $8 on groceries.

He goes out to get the newspaper in the middle of a hailstorm. He gets a job as a Slacker.

"HEY! DIETY! I'M HUNGRY!" he says. There's already Ramen in the microwave. "Eat your ramen, Eli," says the Diety.

"UHHHHH BUT I'M REALLY REALLY REALLY HUNGRY!" he says. Diety rolls her eyes.

"OH MY GOD MY RAMEN EXPLODED!" Eli wails, and then extinguishes his ruined noodles. Diety says "I TOLD you to get that. But nooooo."

Eli's having a rough, rough day, so he looks in the paper and reads about the Rapid Racers Roller Rink. He decides to go and have some fun.

What a beautiful founder!

"Hey, pretty lady!"
"Ew, I hate redheads! Get away!"

Hey look, Brandi again! She's fawning all over Eli! Rethinking that rejection of yours, Brandi?

Brandi and Eli skate for a while. She's a bit better at it than he is, but they have fun.

"Hey, I really had fun with you just now..."
"EW, GO AWAY. I HATE REDHEADS!"

Eli's really having a crappy day. AND YET.

After his double rejection he decides just to skate alone and maybe get better at the whole "staying vertical" thing.

But when he gets off the track, he is accosted by a strange man in a weird hat!

"Aren't these flags fantastic!?" the man says, getting way, way too close to Eli for comfort.
"Uh... please get off me..."

After a bit more bizarre and uncomfortable closeness, the man pats Eli on the head and starts to walk away.

Eli, feeling thoroughly violated, decides to violate the guy back. FISTICUFFS!

Alas, he does not win.

Moments later, he realizes his wallet is gone... and then moments after that he rolls the want to "See Ghost of Unsavory Charlatan."

He's not had a very good beginning, has he? Someone needs a hug.

Balsamo Legacy 4.1

2007-10-05T03:37:13Z

PDA in the nursery. Nice.

It's Ellie's birthday! BAM! Her first order of business? Checking out her own boobs.

Let's just take a moment to appreciate the-heir-that-wasn't.

DAMNIT. *whimper* She is perfect. this is so unfair.

My first order of business? Changing her hideodious outfit.

Also her hair. Hello, nerdy hotness!

Then I make her exercise. More nerdy hotness! Damnit, Ellie really is prettier than Bailey, isn't she?

WHY GOD WHY. WHY DID I PICK BAILEY. WHY.

Newborns are boring so I fast-forwarded through them. Here's adorable little Owen, who has black hair like his daddy.

And here's little Damien!

Aaaaaaaaaaaaand Elijah ages. How you doin'?

Damien does something that kids were born to do - give grandpa a crick in the back. BWAHAHA.

Here you see Patrick holding Owen. Owen, unfortunately, seems to have a Balsamo nose...

Hey, toddlers are boring too! AGING TIME!

Damien and Owen like to water balloon fight.

Aaaahahahaa.

Um, they're apparently not very good at planning their attacks, though. This side-by-side business must be a bit tougher than the face-to-face attack.

Eventually they figure it out.

Oh whoops did I mention Bailey's pregnant again? Yeah. Totally sperminated.

NUUUU, NOT TEH REAPER!!1! ;_;

"Bitch, please!" SORRY ASHLEE, TIME TO GO.

"...mommy?"

*sniffle sniffle*

They remodel the dining room with the insurance money. WIN WIN WIN.

Also, they add an enormous piano.

And they redo the kitchen. :D

Elijah is mildly saddened by his wife's death.

...but only a little.

However, poor little Damien is just absolutely heartbroken.

Owen cries about it a lot.

And then he goes out to rake leaves.

I guess everyone grieves in their own way.

They help each other through their pain.

I wanna go fast!

And then, because they're sad little kiddos, they bogart their parents' bed.

NO! NO!! THIS IS BAD!!! DO NOT GO INTO LABOR WHILE YOU'RE COOKING!!! AAAAAUGGGHHHHHH!!!! (Thankfully, I was able to get Patrick to get the pancakes before they caught fire. OMG SCARIEST THING EVER.)

Ignoring Babies On The Floor: A Balsamo Tradition! The kidlet on the floor is Maria.

Balsamo Legacy 3.3

2007-09-21T04:42:14Z

Patrick is working hard on losing that belly he gained on the vacation at Twikkii Island.

Ellie is a freaking genius. She already has a zillion skill points and she has an A+ and she's just generally amazing.

No, really. I mean. I'm starting to wonder if I didn't pick the wrong heir.

She does most of this stuff autonomously, too. It's just... what could have been. *wistful sigh*

The Balsamos have had creepy neighbors in the past, but none as creepy as this guy. This is Milo Dahmer. He doesn't know any Balsamos personally... but he stakes out their house. He is out there EVERY DAY. *worries*

Turns out, Ashlee is eight days older than her husband Elijah. She's a fairly okay looking old lady.

An old lady who is obsessed with the telescope.

Elijah, Bailey, and Ashlee watch some sports television. Until Elijah threatens to change the channel to the Sims News Network. Bailey's all, "Dad, I swear to god if you change it..." and Ashlee's all "Tra la la! I hope Max or Keira gets married next!" Elijah looks positively devious.

Oh hey, check it out! Fatty's not fat anymore! And just as I was starting to have fun calling him Fatty Patty.

He challenges Ashlee to a duel. Also, notice the glitchy phone books. They won't go away. I should just delete the chair, lol.

Now that Patrick's done with the treadmill, Elijah can continue on his quest to become a Criminal Mastermind (his LTW).

Danger, Will Robinson!

*cough* Danger, Will Robinson!

I said DANGER!

Aaaaaaaaaaaaand she's abducted. EVERYONE FLIPS OUT. But only for a second.

While Ashlee's doing god knows what in outer space, Patrick and Bailey are getting it on. Because now that he's not fat anymore she'll do him (what? Balsamos are TERRIBLY shallow).

While they're doing that, Elijah is doing yoga on the patio.

Oh, Elijah Balsamo. You silly bitch.

And Ellie is fascinated by something as she eats an omelet.

SHE RETURNS!

EVERYONE FLIPS OUT (also, the trashcan is knocked over AGAIN because Vincent Greaves comes over EVERY DAY TO KICK IT). This was the singular most hilarious screenshot I think I've ever taken, so I took close-ups to further emphasize it:

Bailey is genuinely worried for her mother.

Everyone else is HOWLING WITH LAUGHTER. Including me.

INVISIBLE BEDMATE.

"Look, Patrick, I made a skirt out of phone books!" (And that's it for the Glitch Parade).

The next day doesn't start well.

Bailey practices lying. To her husband. O_o

Bailey calls Keira. "You and Max need to get over here, dad's going bananas waiting for this promotion."

Waiting for her siblings to arrive is a hard job.

Attractive.

She busies herself with cooking.

Then Patrick starts with the booze.

He has quite a few drinks (LMAO, this FACE).

Bailey changes into a dress and then does a pretty good impression of Tori Amos.

OH MY. IS THAT A BABY BUMP? WHY YES IT IS. Hence, the dress.

When Max and Keira finally arrive, they blur the lines of propriety in the bathroom. CREEPY BALSAMO SIBLINGS STRIKE AGAIN.

The whole family sits down for a nice meal. All of them except Elijah, who is at work.

AT WORK GETTING PROMOTED! Oh yeah!

All of the Gen 3 kids (and Patrick) hang out together.

And now, for gratuitous shots of how pretty my family is:

Bailey!

Max (from certain angles)!

Keira!

All of them!

Eventually Elijah tells them to go home.
"Dad, you have fins."
"Yeah, well, you have an enormous nose."

Then he works on fixing EVERY SHOWER IN THE HOUSE. Why does everything always break at the same time?

SHAZAM. A limo!

Oh good god. I saw this and went, "Frick. There are probably twins in there."

I love when they do this.

Aaaand not ten seconds later... IT IS TWINS. *HEADDESK*

Twin boys, even. And they got their dad's skin tone! I am so pleased! I was so sad when ALL FOUR Gen 3 kids had their dad's skin tone.

This is Damien, who has brown eyes. He got those from his mother.

And this is Owen, who has blue eyes -- passed down from his great-grandmother Noelle.

Balsamo Legacy: Family Tree

2007-09-20T02:44:48Z

The Balsamo Legacy Family Tree: this post will continually be updated as the legacy goes on. The intention is to have an adult-stage picture of each family member on this thing when the legacy is over.

Generation 1

Generation 2

Generation 3

This post will also be expanded soon to include lifetime wants and personality features.

Balsamo Legacy 3.2

2007-09-20T01:32:12Z

Bailey is enjoying her party victory (which is funny 'cause the party timer glitched and she ended up with a 'disaster' rating) while the repo man steals her kitchen counters. WHAT. He also repoed a desk lamp.

Vincent is still really mad at Bailey.

...so he steals the newspaper. Yes, Vincent, because Bailey EVER READS THAT.

Meanwhile, Bailey hits on Willow, the annoying cheerleader.

After that, she decides she's tired of this popsicle stand... and books a vacation to Twikkii Island.

She goes all out with the reservations and stays at the Twikkii Beach House.

She arrives at tropical Twikkii Island in her winterwear and checks in with the guy at the front desk, who is likely staring at her like "...what is that mysterious cloth around your neck? I have never seen such a silly thing."

Oh, also, she brought that hot guy Patrick with her.

Because I can't control him (vacation guests are like pets - you can see their wants and needs, but you can't tell them what to do), Patrick spends the first day of vacation doing the same thing over and over and over again: eating. So poor Bailey is left to build sandcastles all alone.

See? All alone.

So completely alone.

She got annoyed at being alone... so she stole this guy's dinner and then sat down right next to him and ate it. Like, "Yeah, bitch, this is totally what you ordered."

I finally timed it just right where he was between auto-dining sessions (seriously, he just ATE FOR A DAY. This does have repercussions, btw). Bailey totally seduced him.

Then because he was all full up on food and totally tired from chewing all day, Patrick slept while Bailey got dinner.

I just think this is a funny cap. ZOMG IS THERE A FLY IN MY WATER!?

Later that evening, Patrick woke up and the two shared a romantic evening on the beach.

A very romantic evening on the beach.

They're MARRIED! Which actually almost sent Bailey into crazy looney land, because she's a romance sim and was scared of marriage. Too bad, lady, there's a legacy to worry about!

(Also, BWAHAHA, NOW I CAN CONTROL HIM.)

And she knows as well as anyone that he's the prettiest person to ever hop in the sack with her, so she did well to snatch him right up. Also, doesn't this pic just make you go "AWWWW"?

The next morning, they went to the hot springs to relax together as newlyweds.

Bailey in the sauna alone... panic attack? "Why the hell did I get married?" Perhaps. We may never know.

She relaxes next to Patrick in the hot springs for a loooooooooong time.

The last thing they do before going home is watch the fire dancer by the beach. Bailey even tried to learn the dance, but it started to rain halfway through her lesson and the guy gave up.

Oh did I mention Patrick spent his vacation EATING!? YEAH. FATTY.

When they got home, Patrick goes on a strict diet and exercise plan.

Bailey, er, um, she dropped out of college because she was totally not studying at all. Miserable fail. Anyway, this is her adult self. Pretty.

MAKEOVER! I am in love with his gorgeous green eyes. This pair will make beautiful babies, I can tell. *crosses fingers*

Previous parts found here.

Balsamo Legacy 3.1

2007-09-10T02:12:43Z

Maid: "I JUST CLEANED THAT."

As if there aren't enough Balsamos to choose from. *eyeroll*

Steve's a great criminal, and therefore there is a polygraph machine in the house. Bailey, my favorite of the kiddos, likes to play with it.

FIREFLIES. She trapped those bugs like criminals in a jailhouse.

Heeeeeere's Ellie!

Ashlee only cares about Ellie in the first 20 seconds of her life. After that it's all on Steve. Anyway, here's the only evidence that Ashlee gives a crap.

Screw the baby, my hands are cold!

Screw the baby, it's raining!

Screw the baby, let's get drunk!

Big-nose Max can read!

...Big-Nose Max has a girlfriend. Who'd have thought it.

(Oh, that's how he found her.)

Her name is Liezel Dahmer. Yeah.

Grandpa doesn't like her. I wonder why? Maybe it's the serial killer last name.

Balsamo Babies: Now With Less Photo Evidence! This is Ellie, now a toddler.

Elijah puts her down...

And she learns to walk before bedtime on her birthday. Quick-learning Ellie!

GRANDPA NOT HAPPY.

Birthday time! Keira grows up pretty well...

And with a makeover she is totally awesome.

Aaaaand she made a fire. This is apparently a Balsamo trend.

Not long after, it's Bailey's turn.

Schwing.

And with a little bit of makeover-ing, it's clear we have an heir. Hells yes.

Faceoff! Bailey vs. Keira - they're almost identical, honestly, but I like Bailey's chin better, and her nose looks better from the front.

Oh, also, Elijah's sister Gloria married this fugtard and so I banished them to a 2x2 lot on the outskirts of town with the idiot cat.

I got bored so I sent Max, Keira, and Bailey to college. Max and Keira, being NOT the heirs, went to a dorm. Bailey got her own place.

Max got regular college-aged clothes, but Keira... WHITE TRASH ALERT.

JERRY SPRINGER CALLED, HE WANTS TO HEAR ABOUT YOUR BABYDADDY.

Her nose looks weird. This is why she's not the heir.

There's a karaoke machine in the dorm. Max loves it.

No, he really loves it.

And after Keira goes through wardrobe therapy, she joins him for the creepiest duet ever. The male-female duet was not meant for siblings!

Look, Max joined the Club de Bergerac! Effin' fug-noses EVERYWHERE.

Meanwhile, Ellie grows up some more...

She's not so bad.

The first thing Bailey does when she moves in is invite her older brother over for mac and cheese.

Then she goes on the prowl. Um, no.

Um, NO.

Frick.

DOUBLE FRICK. Oh, fine. Bailey's first time ends up being with this fugface. His name is Vincent Greaves and I hate him.

Bailey sets fire to her kitchen. Le sigh.

Afterwards, she heads to the student union, where she runs into THIS GUY. His name is Destry King and I hate him just a little less than Vincent Greaves.

Anyway, he makes Bailey make cute faces, so I let them play. Plus she's a romance sim, so it's all in the cards for her to get some from all over the place...

She takes him to a diner.

And then she throws a party...

And during the party she gets frisky with Destry while Vincent is downstairs and DRAMA ENSUES.

This is my FAVORITE PART. She tried to make up with Vincent after Destry ran away crying, and he SHUNNED HER ON THE BED. AHAHAHA. Oh man. He's willing to climb on the bed with her but he's not willing to touch her at all. LMAO.

Afterwards she feels down so she invites Max over to chill out. Also that annoying cheerleader girl is there.

Max takes advantage of her quiet place to do some homework.

Later, Bailey goes out with Patrick Butler, who is the prettiest guy she's had chemistry with so far.

Balsamo Legacy 2.3

2007-07-08T00:57:42Z

Elijah, in his college clothes. Someone likes threadless.com!

He just about instantly woos Heather Wade, who is not the fugliest ever, but is also not the prettiest. That's okay, though.

They share a meal. Later that evening she becomes his first woohoo.

Elijah spends his college years doing just about everything but his homework. He even bought a bird. He named it Falkor. (Sadly, Falkor didn't get to move out with him. That's stupid.)

Aaaand don't let anyone tell you Elijah isn't a lying, cheating loser, because he totally, totally is. In love and in finance.

Yeah, Heather Wade may be 100% in love with him but he doesn't seem to give a crap because when Vicki McCollough comes walking by he's all, "Heeey! Backrub? ...Woohoo? Just lemme know, k?"

But then, oh, then... along comes Ashlee. She's stolen his heart! Heather who? Vicki who? He spent his senior year following Ashlee around like a puppy dog. Dreaming about her. Wolf-whistling at her whenever she came by. Thoroughly and madly head-over-heels for her!

...not that it stops him from hitting on the man-ish looking (you can't tell in this picture but her jaw is squarer than Gumby's blockheaded nemeses, I promise you) Sharon Straight at graduation. NO, ELIJAH. SHARON IS FUGLY. DO NOT WANT.

For all the girls he'd made love him through the years, no one wanted to sing with him...

That graduation hat doesn't look good on anyone, does it?

Elijah moves back in with his parents, invites Ashlee over, and promptly ties the knot and does the dance of baby-making.

Oh, and remember Elijah's little sister? Totally cute now!

At one point, Noelle's aspiration meter was really really low and she really wanted a cat. So I got a kitten and named it Yoko and then it grew up and became PURE EVIL. This is Yoko.

He doesn't look it, but Elijah's in the criminal career track. His LTW is to be a Criminal Mastermind, so I went for it. Right now he's just a Con Artist, though.

Ashlee brought in enough money that I was able to redo the whole house! I mean, I ran them down to the bone to do it, and I actually couldn't give them a car, but Bwaha! A house!

The overhead shot. My favorite part of the house is that the grandparents are over there by the garage and everyone else is WAAAAAY out there on the other side. It's almost as if they have a guest suite.

Before long, the first little baby pops out -- and notice, now, that Ashlee's still in the fug Maxis pregnancy pajamas. YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT. ANOTHER ONE. Before the freaking first one's a toddler! *tears out hair* Anyway, this one's Max.

Oh, and did I mention that living with his parents makes Elijah have the plague like, all the time? Seriously, the diseases just ran rampant for a while there.

Max turns into a toddler and my first reaction is... "Urh." I don't know if I like it or not. I'm not terribly impressed, but it could be worse. His nose worries me, though.

Elijah and Ashlee actually kind of suck at child-rearing but since Gloria really doesn't and the grandparents are still there, the kids aren't ever neglected. See, Gloria's got it covered.

Aaaaaaaand another. This one's Keira.

After two babies, Ashlee needed a makeover so I gave her one.

See how I mean that Yoko is PURE EVIL!? She has destroyed all the furniture in that living room at least three times and I know she's THISCLOSE to being fully trained against destroying furniture, and yet.

Steve likes lobster, but doesn't know how to make it. I... well, I just don't know.

It's birthday time! I cracked up at Elijah, he kind of just sauntered in, all "whassup, y'all?"

BAM! Bigger Max! He's cute enough from this side, but his nose. It's all pointy. :(

'K, so I guess it's not that bad, but it's just so pointy. WHY is it so pointy? Both his parents have perfectly normal noses.

OH SNAP. But wait, which one of them is he coming for? Haha, I was cracking up at this point. Like "OMG WHICH ONE!?"

Ohhhhh. Time to go, old man! LOL Steve's reaction was just some nailbiting and a frowny-face.

Noelle, after crying a whole damned lot, cheers herself up by helping Keira out with her birthday. Her nose is EVEN WORSE. WHYYY!?!??

Baahahahaa. Remington Harris the Man-Maid is the only one who even remotely likes the cat now that Steve's dead.

Oh, um, did I mention that Ashlee's pregnant AGAIN!? Geez, these people.

That cat is going to kill me with the irritating, I swear to god.

BAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAAA "NO I DUN WANNA GOOOOO!!!"

Literally at the very same instant that Noelle is duking it out with Death, Ashlee's in the foyer giving birth to the third kid, a girl named Bailey. HILARIOUS, with all the screaming.

Aaaaaand Gloria handles it from there. "I'll watch the baby. You go ~~get knocked up again~~ watch TV or something."

Max, meanwhile, is crying in grandma and grandpa's room. Dude, find something better to do. O_o

What's that? Is that KEIRA? Why yes it is! Look, she's prettier than her brother!

Hmm, there may be hope for you yet, young padawan.

OH NO. NEVER MIND. She's a tantrum-throwing DEMON CHILD.

...wait, this might be why. DAMN YOU, GRANDMA.

Oh my god, Bailey is the cutest one.

ABSOLUTELY HILARIOUS. Max in his little superman pajamas playing red hands with his getaway car driver dad. *dies*

EW. NO NO NO. YOU ARE NOT THE HEIR. DO NOT PASS GO, DO NOT COLLECT $200. (Also, note, Elijah got a makeover too, and now has lighter brown hair).

See? Makeover.

Because Gloria just HAD to have her first kiss, else she go insane from the poor aspiration rating, I had her call the matchmaker. And since she just got an insane amount of dough from the dead grandparents' life insurance... she went all out. Matchmaker took this to mean "Gimme Draco Malfoy!" Er, Charlie Gibson.

However, he's not half-bad looking and I figure why the hell not, she's not the heir anyway.

...he's awfully forward.

Gloria gets her first kiss and now she won't go insane. Thank you, Charlie Gibson's Magical Lips.

The life insurance also made it possible for them to buy a Landwhale. Hahaa.

Then Gloria grew up...

...and moved out. I also made her take the damned cat with her.

Mweeeee, aging.

Omfg she is totally my favorite. She and Keira are duking it out for heir, I can't quite decide yet. But ;laksdj;aldkjal;dfj SO CUTE.

I mean, the only way Keira would lose for sure is if she keeps up her demonic evil ways. This picture is deceptively sweet-looking.

Max is Right Out. *disapproves* There is no way to make this worth my time.

I mean, I thought for a second he could work but then I saw him from the side.

See? Duking it out for the heir spot, I tell you. *dies of the cute*

I just got Seasons today, so I'm sure there will be more relatively soon. I cannot wait to play this stuff!

Balsamo Legacy 2.2

2007-07-06T02:28:57Z

(Note: this image says 1.3 -- it's really 2.2! Whups.)

The Heir, Elijah, has this face that I love 80% of the time and that I hate 20% of the time. We'll see how that pans out, I guess. Maybe he'll grow into it some more. Or maybe I'll get over it.

Anyway, he and his sister Gloria like to dance in the kitchen. And they ALWAYS have to do it in front of the important kitchen appliances RIGHT BEFORE their mother wants to cook something so then Noelle ends up pitching a fit and leaving half-prepared food everywhere.

But every now and then, Noelle cooks food all the way through so her kids don't starve.

Preeeetty.

Cuuuuute!

Elijah started getting restless and screaming at me all the time instead of doing productive things like homework and advancing his teenage job, so I sent him packing.

Elijah goes to college...

And his dad immediately bogarts his room.

I guess old age doesn't impede your kickyball skills, though.

That bitchfaced neighbor Ollie shows up every day right around 1:00 or so to bitchslap Noelle and then run away. This makes Noelle really, really annoyed.

The annoyance follows her through her birthday. Like sands through the hourglass...

These are the days of our lives. God, what a cranky old couple. Steve's on the phone with Jan Tellerman and apparently he is NOT HAPPY WITH HER.

And then he takes it out on Noelle, the old bastard.

Noelle eventually stops scowling long enough for me to take a picture. It could have been worse, I guess. It kind of cracks me up that she's got a little scarfy thing. Bwaha. Really it was either this or all those other old-lady Maxis clothes that involve saggy boobs, so the pickings were slim. I should download some old folks' clothes...

Balsamo Legacy 2.1

2007-07-06T02:27:51Z

THE BALSAMO LEGACY 2.1

Last we saw him, Elijah Balsamo had just aged to a teenager. Unlucky as I am at rolling dice, he ended up a romance sim. LE SIGH. Anyway, here you see him making friends with the ever-present and ever-annoying Ricky Cormier.

But what's this? Is Noelle pregnant again? Why, it does look like our heir is about to have a sibling!

For some reason, pregancy is hilariously difficult for Noelle. She can't quite get enough sleep, and she's always way too freaking hungry, so I end up in that treacherous zone of "she has to eat or she'll die but she's got to sleep or she'll just sleep on the food" that I hate so much. That zone must be the cool place to be, because Noelle seems to just love hanging out there. Stupid Noelle.

As if hunger and exhaustion aren't enough, she's apparently also unable to stay even remotely in the green as far as hygiene is concerned. Look at her, she's RIGHT IN FRONT OF THE TOILET! And yet. She did this at least four times, guys. This is unnatural and irritating.

Thankfully she didn't die from her pregnancy and was able to actually give birth to little Gloria Balsamo. Here you see Elijah helping her grow from the annoyingly idle newborn stage to the less annoying but still "more fun if you >>> right through it" toddler phase of her life.

Ah, my founder and his hot wife. She is magically ALWAYS at the top of the fitness thingy. Very little effort to keep her lookin' great. Oh, oh, it's magic, you know.

KEEE-YOUUUTE. Gloria and her big brother Elijah have STOLEN MY HEART!

Noelle decided that after giving birth to two children she should change her hair.

However, something in her apparently snapped, because now all she can do is make enemies with random neighborhood sims. Here you see her getting jabbed angrily at by Ollie Bounscuse, the woman from my Asylum Challenge house (who, by the way, HATES EVERYONE SHE EVER MEETS WITH THE RAGE OF A THOUSAND SUNS, INSTANTLY). Whenever Ollie shows up -- always unannounced, no doorbell-ringing required -- she makes rageface, pokes and shoves, and causes everyone to cross her path to be instantly furious with her. I DON'T GET IT.

This is Ollie. If you see this woman, call 911 immediately, she may cause your household to go into fits of instant psychotic rage.

Anyway, back to beautiful Gloria. Here's Elijah, teaching her how to say, "Elijah." Useful, that.

TADAA, DADDY'S GIRL. D'AWWWW.

Orlando Centowski... he bores me too, Elijah. I totally understand.

I can't remember this chick's name, but she was totally Elijah's first kiss.

Elijah went through a fit of "I'M TOO OLD FOR SPACESHIPS, MA!" and his room got redecorated. There are cricket paddles on the wall in there somewhere.

Dr. Steve Balsamo, General Practitioner. That's as far as he got before he retired, I couldn't get him to sit down and study the damned mechanical for long enough to actually advance any further.

Gloria grows up to be a miracle mite! Ah, these Balsamo kids. Growing up well is the only way in this house. Overachievers.

For all her awesome aging ability, she really can't make a decent muffin.

Her daddy did, however, teach her to dance.

I hate "Punch You, Punch Me."

However, I love my freaking heir. HE IS SO CUTE, GUYS.

Aaaaand here's Noelle kicking the ass of Ivy Copur, who came home from work with Steve on his birthday. HOW DARE HE HAVE FRIENDS THAT ARE GIRLS, RIGHT? Geez, Noelle. Host of the year NOT YOUR THING, eh?

Check out Old Man Balsamo. LOL. I couldn't resist the argyle. Argyle is just too cool.

HILARIOUS. It really looks like Elijah's just kickin' back, listening to his sister tell him about ghosts, and Steve lifts his ass to let a nice big fart out -- and Gloria's face is the uberhilarious reaction shot. GOOD ONE, OLD MAN.

Balsamo Legacy 1.1

2007-07-06T02:26:00Z

THE BALSAMO LEGACY 1.1

Introducing Steve Balsamo, founder of the Balsamo legacy, hopeless in the kitchen, but lucky in love. He's got a knowledge aspiration, a thing for redheads with makeup, and an insatiable urge to stare up at the sky through a telescope.

The gypsy woman came by and would not leave -- seriously, he said goodbye at least twice -- so I decided what the hell, let's try for a blind date. Except Steve only had like, $400 left after moving in...

So the gypsy stuck him with an old woman. Creepily enough, when he went out on the town the next day and scoped the room at the club, all the women that glowed all "Man, she's hot!" and stuff? OLD PEOPLE. Wtf, Steve!

Oddly enough, though his turn-off is blondes, he falls really, really quickly for a Townie named Noelle Raha. Good thing she's pretty. Plus she brought enough money into the marriage to make the house look really nice, too. Win!

And she likes him, too. Useful!

They get married and she instantly gets a makeover. Pretty turns to SUPERHOT! Victory is mine.

While she toils inside all pregnant and stuff, Steve spends the ENTIRE PREGNANCY staring into space. I wish I could tell you I'm kidding, but I can't. After she had the baby he STILL did it. Their heir is Elijah.

I tend to go 3x speed all the way through newborns because they're ridiculously boring. Here's little Elijah's birthday.

A little jiggery-pokery with the hair and TADAA, cute baby!

Sim bottles are ENORMOUS.

Aaaaaand Noelle lights the kitchen on fire. Notice she's in law enforcement. Steve's in medicine.

Speaking of law enforcement... Steve set the house on fire AGAIN the very next day, and just as the fire department arrived, Noelle got home from work. Then their house looked like the crime capital of the neighborhood.

Elijah learns all his toddler skills and grows up to be a Miracle Mite. Also, he is a sith kid. Check out his dweeby pajamas.

A family that eats together takes HALF A DAY TO FINISH THEIR MEAL, WTF.

Elijah's a smart kid, though. He finishes his homework quickly and is never, ever in a bad mood. I think I may kind of love him.

The stupid headmaster had to come TWICE. The first time he didn't quite get the fact that the food he was eating should, you know, COUNT TOWARD THE POINTS. He ate like three plates of pork chops and NOTHING showed up on the little grade meter for "do you get into private school"iness or whatever. So then he had to come the next day. But now Elijah's a private school kiddo.

...except the first time when it didn't work, it made Noelle go insane.

But that's okay, 'cause she's still pretty.

And once again, Elijah ages while he's platinum. What a good kid. :) Well, except that freaking romance aspiration. Thanks a lot, Elijah. Now everything meant to further your bloodline will make you sad. :(